Overwhelming thought.

I want to go everywhere. Now.

My love.

I know that there many things that make me happy, but i feel there is one thing that gets me in whatever shape it is in. That is Art and anything to do with it. This Christmas my mother bought me paint brushes. They are wonderful. I know my strange fascination with them is weird, but i do not care. I find my self staring at them and wondering what amazing thing will come out of them. Where will they take me? I wish you could see them. Christmas was nice to me this year. I am excited to see what will be created. :)

Halo

"The man downstairs listens to the strangest music."-Mom

"No Mom i don't think that is music."- me

The man downstairs is addicted to Halo. I am sad to know the music even through the floor. It seems I cannot escape the game even when I am home.

Breathing.

इ ऍम रेअल्ली एन्जोयिंग थे हिन्दी इ
So the hindi button is amazing.
Home has been home. It 's ok. I been hanging out with some friends.
Friday we had a surprise birthday party for Jess। That was a lot of fun and today i went roller skating, I am unsure the last time i laced a pair of skates up. I had moonlight skate with my cousin Josh, he is 6 and in the 1st grade. It was great. I am sad i am unable to see them more often. So break has been better than expected. Although i am unsure if this will ever be home for me again. So much has changed, I've changed. I love the people here but i am not content. I think it may take me awhile to completely feel like i am a coming home but i know it will come, I just have to give it some time. My parents have been wonderful, I think the thing i don't like about coming home is how i start to worry. I know that every thing is going to work out but some times it overtakes me. I worry for my family and how things are going. We are making steps for the better but i wish that we could completely bypass some of these things. So for now i am ok, ready to go back at any time.

Ballons!

This weekend has been amazing. I am somewhat sad that break is in a couple of days. Yesterday was the black and white party. My floor and some other got together to throw a party. We all dressed up in Black and White clothes and ate black and white food. I danced my heart out. It was so much fun. my friend Storm had his uncle make an appearance as Buddy the elf. I had a wonderful time. Today is Marisa's 20th birthday. Her mom sent her a birthday party in a box. It included everything for a five years old birthday party. I am not sure what else to say so if you would like to hear more call me. :)!

Non-Toxic

"I'll do it, if you do it."-Betsye

"Are you going to do it?"-Dustin

"Yes, If you put it in your mouth, I will" -Betsye

"one"-Dustin

"two" -Dustin

"three"-Dustin

(Time Passes)

"It's really salty"-Dustin

"Why did we do this!"-Betsye running for a cup of water


This the the conversation i had with Dustin Swarm before I ate Play-Doh for the first time.
Don't do it. It taste so bad.

thought.

I am not sure that cleaning helps me any.

Broken Records

I am blessed.
This week is finals. I should be stressed out but God loves me and well i don't really have any. I have nothing to do. I can't tell you the last time that happened. Today was amazing. I love not having anything to do.
The Library has all these old records they were giving away for free. I picked out a few that no one would mind me breaking. I have always wanted to create something out of old records. I had the thought of how cool it would look to make something with broken records. So... Storm and I went and threw them at Hogue. We figured that it's falling down, it wont matter. It was so much fun watching them shatter against the building. Every Friday this semester a couple of friends and I have gotten together to paint. I love paint club, it gives me a reason to paint sometimes i get too busy and it is such a stress reliever. I love my friends, I could not ask for better.
With all the free time i have had i went to the coffee shop above the theater. I just sat up there for an hour and read Scottish short stories i borrowed from Trevor. Its a good book and the author is J.M. Reid, I wonder if i am related to him.
The night is getting better, the president of the school is going to read to the student body The Night before Christmas. I am so excited!
**Hannah edit: I love my roommate, Betsye Ann Reid. Even if she is clinically crazy.**

Perfect Day.

Ingredients for a Perfect Day.
No specific order is given in the making of the day, just mix and BAM the Perfect day.

1. No Class
2. Chocolate Chip Cookies
3. SNOW!!!!!!
   
4. Two meals with Jess Haley
5. Christmas Parties
   
6. Turtle necks
7. Christmas Greeting Cards

Snow

Where are you?

Oh to be 6 again.

Every time I come home I am struck by an overwhelming feeling.
Suddenly I am no longer 20 years old i am 6. It is like the younger version of myself is trying to break free. I am being pulled in two different directions, and I'm the one doing the pulling. I am unsure of how this came about, but i am somehow feel guilty for growing up. Which i know is absurd. I cannot express in words the way i feel. I can tell you that I am excited about what may happen in the future, at the same time I am scared out of my mind. Which i think is the is feeling that has come over me. Inside i just want my dad to hold me and tell me that everything is all right. But he is not, i am on my own. My parents have been a great encouragement in my life. they taught me that i could do anything that i want. I am ever in debt to them. I know that this feeling....or whatever it is will go away in time but at the time being i am scared and wish to be 6 again.

You Got Mail.

Such a wonderful movie.

Falling into happiness

Recently i have been feeling Gods work in my life.
For the past month or so I have been feeling down. I am not sure why, i don' t think there is any special reason it just was. I think things are starting to look up for me though. I am trying to be the person God has made me. I fail everyday but at least i am trying. I find sometimes i just give up and run in the other direction.Well i am starting to come around. The past couple of nights i have felt content in my self and what i was doing. I am not even sure the last time i had that feeling I think it came about in class. I was Old testament survey and Dr. Joe was talking about how in the Bible when people went out to spread the word they focused on helping the people before taking time to think about them selfs. Lately i have been taking a lot of time from the girls on my floor. In all reality i was scared i have no idea what i am doing. so i ran. I thought that focusing in on me would make me a better person for the floor, but God thinks other wise. I have been spending more time with my girls. I am doing it because i want to. I love them all, I know that they are teaching me to be a better person everyday. They are amazing i could have not asked for any better. they make me laugh. This entire experience has made me humble. I can see God working and moving in my life. It is wonderful. So things are good even when they are not so i think i am doing alright. The past week or so has been amazing i have had a great time. Yesterday i played in the leaves with Marisa. She has been such a blessing in my life. She is truly one of my best friends. Thanks God.

This one is for Michi.

I do not like make-up.
I do not like red.
I do not like my hair done.
Why is it that I like this picture?

In the Silence.

I took a walk tonight, just me and God. It was nice. I have not done that in a while. I found myself thinking about what is it that God wants me to do. I mean in all things, where is it that God want s me. So randomly i though about Beauty and the Beast. There is a part in the movie where the father has to decide on which path to take. Path A: a beautiful open path, Path B: The dark scary one. well that is where i started to think, No man in his right mind would chose that path. But what if that is the path that God has set before us? I feel like that is what God has set before me. In a different way God has set before me a path that scares me. I am unsure of it and i don't really like the way it looks. I know that it will be good, but i question what he is doing sometimes. Oh well i am not God, Thank him for that.

Betsye

I am sitting in my bosses office being serenaded by the lovely tunes of my good friend Michi Yee. she lives upstairs, and i can here her music through the floor.my whole life i wanted a song of my own. I know it is stupid but deep down inside it was a desire of mine. Well today was the day. Michi is upstairs working on that song. It's name is "Betsye". Good name i think. anyway, maybe one day she will play it for you, i have to say it is wonderful.

My Attempt.

I was thinking the other day, How is dishonest I am with people. I mean in the sense of how I am doing, what I was thinking, that kind if thing. I think just in general I feel dishonest. I know I am not the only one that feels this. But I feel fake. I want people to see me, not just the one i allow them to see. I think I sometimes I forget how important that really is. I want to be truly humble in everything. God has never been anything but, i want to be that way, i want to show people i really do care. i do. Sometimes i feel like i do not show it like i should. It is a work in progress but i will get there with Gods help.

Books.

I hate that the only time I have the desire to read Mommsen's History of the Romans Vol.III is in the middle of writing a paper.

I am his Favorite

God is Amazing.

I was reading in Romans Chapter 2:1-16
God's Righteous Judgment 1You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. 2Now we know that God's judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. 3So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment? 4Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance? 5But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. 6God "will give to each person according to what he has done."[a] 7To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. 8But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger. 9There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile; 10but glory, honor and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. 11For God does not show favoritism. 12All who sin apart from the law will also perish apart from the law, and all who sin under the law will be judged by the law. 13For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous. 14(Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law, 15since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts now accusing, now even defending them.) 16This will take place on the day when God will judge men's secrets through Jesus Christ, as my gospel declares.
( oh the joy of BibleGateway)


Anyway God showed me verse 11. "For God does not show favoritism"
I started to think about that verse. That means that everyone is his favorite.I know that i have my favorite people in the world. In the grand scale of things there are only a few. But to God everyone is his Favorite. I want you to think about that. I mean God is so big he has the capacity to Love everyone that much. I know that i have heard that my whole life but i think i just now hit me. I am his favorite and you are too!

Not my paper.

It may be the paper or lack of sleep but this is what i am thinking right now.

It has been a weird week. It may be the lack of sleep but I am feeling very stretched. I am starting to feel this new sense of freedom, like God is trusting me and testing me out. Although it is amazing ,i am stressed. I am starting to feel the effects. I know this is where i am supposed to be, I just want a break. I am not sure how to come by that. I am going home this weekend, I know that is not going to help. I want to go home, i do, but at the same time i don't. In a very very selfish way i want not to be needed at the same time I do. Don't get me wrong, I really want to be there for them. this week the girls have really started to show me that i am useful, but it is very taxing. sometime being the person God wants me to be is hard. I am trying but i feel like I am not doing the best i could. I heard the other day that this is the best place to be, place as in completely inadequate, this is really where God works. I am just praying that i make it through the week. so yeah.. sorry if it sounds like i am complaining, just tell me to shut up.

Hey.

Last night when I was about to fall asleep God said "hey".

alone.

why when i am am humble i feel so alone?
Where are you?
Why are you not talking to me.
I dont understand why i have to go through this.
What are you saying?
I want more than a quick fix, i want to be content.
I don't understand why it has to be this way.
Why no matter how much i don't want to i trust in what you are doing.

....

Sometimes life just sucks.

Bring Your Bibles to Public Schools Week: Sept 23-29

Bring Your Bibles to Public Schools Week: Sept 23-29

http://www.bringyourbible.com/

I have to wonder why it takes an email for something to happen. Why is this not second nature? Why should our incentive to read the bible be motivated by someone one telling me i need to? Maybe i am wrong ,maybe you think this a wonderful thing.I just have to wonder why does our Christian life have to be an event.

finally!

Tonight i am going to see the Borne Ultimatum. I have been waiting way too long to see it. I am real excited. :)

Not myself

For the past few weeks I have found it hard to express how i feel. It may be because i have had an inadequate amount of sleep. I am finding it hard to talk to people. Don't get me wrong, small talk i am fine with. When it comes to an actual conversation i find myself unsure of what to say. I find myself avoiding people. I find myself avoiding myself. I am unsure of how to explain it. someone asked me today if i had processed anything about china. I think the answer is no. I am finding it difficult to think about it. It is not that i don't want to think about it, i just have nothing. I feel very overwhelmed but i keep avoiding it. Filling my time with things to do. I need a break. I need a week to myself. I have been going and going for the past 2 months, and it is not slowing down. I feel uneasy, like i am missing something. I want to be content. I want to feel peace. It is strange though. I know that the peace I am looking for is only found in God. I know this yet i still feel nothing. Is God tyring to teach me something? I have found my self lying to people. You know the casual, How are you as you walk by. I always reply "I'm good" But i know that in that moment i lied. OK maybe it is not a lie, sometimes i am good. But i sometimes wonder if people really want to know how i am. If i were to tell them that i don't really feel like myself, that i am not really at peace about anything. I am not sure that people are really wanting to hear that kind of answer. I know they care but they have there own problems. I don't want to complain about my "terrible" life. I know that i have been blessed, but i am finding life in general a little tiring. I just wish i knew how to well get back to myself. I am a little losed here. So if by chance you are reading this i would not mind the prayers.

A little scary

Yesterday i saw something i thought i never would see.
I was walking into subway and there was a Squirrel eating a cheeseburger. What has the world come to?

tomorrow.

I am leaving tomorrow, to go back "home". I sometimes think that i have been here forever. I am really sad to leave. We had our last day yesterday. It was really hard. After the kids had left i just sat there in the classroom thinking about the past month and how i am not sure if i will ever be lead back here. I went out last night. All I could think about was how i was going to miss my students and Hong Kong. I grown to Love it over here. At first when i found out that i was coming to the city i freaked out. I was not sure i was able to do it. Although the city is still not my favorite i think if i had to i could live here if i had to. I am going to miss it over here. I am ready to go home though. ok well i have to pack. I will *see* you later.:)

Bittersweet.

So it is my last week. It is only Wednesday and it has been a little bittersweet. My birthday was yesterday. It was the best 20th birthday i could ask for. On Sunday, I had a birthday dinner. I went out to Pizza with my team. Oh how i miss it so. I was thinking about how i am not sure how it could get better. I mean this is pizza we are talking about I have been going through withdrawals. On Tuesday( my birthday) it was wonderful. It started out with the girls on my team decorated the bathroom and covered my bed with balloons. :) Then at school my students surprised me. They are great. It was really funny, they would not let me go in to the room. When they finally did let me in they had decorated the board and sang me "happy birthday". It was great. Along with the everything else they got me birthday cake. I was definitely surprised. But i guess it was easy to plan because most of the time i have no idea what they are saying. Then I had some of the teachers classes sing happy birthday. Needless to day it was a wonderful birthday.

It is really sad to think i will have to leave all of them. I just now feel like i have figured out what i am doing. Or where i am. Monday i was looking at the lesson. Each day we learn about a new country. Well monday was china. I was looking at the map. I found Hong Kong. It was then when it hit me that was there i was. I know i have been here 3 1/2 weeks and i just now figured it out.
I am leaving in 4 days. I am really happy but at the same time i don't want to come home. I feel like now i can acctually be of use. I guess that is how it goes. I have never done this. This as in making close friends with someone i might never see again. I makes me really sad to think about.
One the girls on my team has to leave tomorrow. Her class did this whole big goodbye. They sang to her. It might have been one of the sweetest things i have ever seen in my life. I starting to relize that i am leaving. I hate it. I don't like it all. I mean i almost cried at school. I could see how bad she was taking it. I do not want friday to come. I am not ready.
I guess i just have to trust. He knows what he is doing. I will see them again.

Panda.

I went to Ocean Park today. It is a park like 6 flags. yeah, anyway i saw a PANDA!

Reconsidering.

I have made it through 3 weeks of teaching. It seems like yesterday that i was home. It makes me sad to think that I have to leave the people i have met here. It is so weird how teaching has allow me to see things in myself I never knew were there. For example i thought i was a patient person. Yeah sometimes i feel like that is lie. I love the kids though. I always thought that i would never be able to work with Junior high, and that i never thought i would come to Asia. Yeah funny how things work out. I guess someone else had plans for me. I had an amazing momment today. I was having a hard time getting the kids to be quiet. I wanted to get through the lesson. i thought "if we get through it then we can just do nothing" right. Yeah they forget the meaning of shut your mouth. So i told them that they would write in their journals.
I was a little angry with them. I thought to my self" If you would only pay attiontion i would be able to bless you with free time." Then i remembered what my dad once told me" Betsye if you would only pay atention i would be able to bless you. I think i got the point. Saddly i had to drag my students down with me to figure it out. Somwtime i feel like how in the world can these kids like me? I feel like i am yelling at them all day. I mean they gave up there summer break to spend with me. Poor kids. Anyway, as i said before i have them write in Journals. I ask random questions just to get to know them better. Today i had them write 2 journals. The 1st was the the normal. 2nd was the punishment. Yeah ok back to my point i told them to write about anything they wanted to. I was kinda having a hard day. I was reading them some time later and i came to this one. He had wrote down. "I know it hard to teach our class but i think you do a good job, and you work hard. I think you can do it. " It was something like that. I almost cried. If you know me that is hard to do. I feel like i just starting to know these kids and now i have to leave. It stinks. although I am happy to go home a part of me will stay. I realized today that some of the people i meet here i will never see again. :( yeah so keep me in your thoughts.
So yeah here is my random disorganized blog. I hope it makes sense. Love and miss you all.

Home.

I had pizza today!
I also went to Harry Potter.
It was like i was home.

Begging on the Street.

My time here is almost over. I am not sure if i am sad or relieved. I am amazed i made it this far to tell you the truth. I am getting to point where home is sounding pretty good right now. I finished my 2nd week of teaching today. It sometimes seems like i have been here forever. I think i am starting to really get the hang of things. We had a scavenger hunt today at the school. I was so happy to be the teacher of my students. they are mine. Well not really mine but i think you get the point. Just thinking of them makes me smile.

I had the opportunity to go to a night market tonight. Not sure how i like it. A street full of items i do not need. The process of buying goes against how i function.
1. you walk into the section of items you might want to buy.
2. You try to look not interested. (Never pick anything up. The second you do the owners go in for the kill. They come and starts begging you to buy it. )
3. Ask for price. (They say 100 you say 50 this goes on for a minute or two. Very awkward. you get them down 70)
4. you walk away. then they grab you. whispering in your ear "for you i will go lower" (Lies. they don't care about me. I am just some blonde girl from America that they know that can get money. then they go down to 50. Score what you wanted. or is it?)
5. Walk out with an arm full of stuff you don't need, passing the beggar on the street wondering if it was right to go in the first place.

As i said, it made me wonder if i ever wanted to go back. Kind of scared me.
other than that i have been good. Hope you are too! see you soon!

Mango juice.

So I am sick. Who would have guessed it, i am sick. Man i wish i did not get sick all the time. I feel like my throat is screaming at me. Even the thought of screaming hurts. My team leader, Mandy, took over my class yesterday. I thought i was going to pass out but i am ok now. I have to say i needed the break.
My class is performing a fairy tale. I am so proud of them, i did not even teach today they just took over. I just sat there watching them work everything out. I am counting my blessings. The kids are great. I think i am starting to get the hang of this teaching thing. I do know that I would never want to do this for the rest of my life. But who knows i am an not even sure of what i am doing tomorrow.
I think i am starting to figure out why i am here. I was thinking about it yesterday. So i am going to be an RC ( RA for those who call it that). At first i was like why am i doing this. Why in the world have i been chosen to do that? I am not a leader. Well this trip has allowed me to really get to know myself. I am finding that I can do a lot more than i thought i could. At this point i think i am ready to take on the challenge of this year. Who would have thought that I would be in Hong Kong drinking Mango Juice discovering my place in the world.Hmmm.

i think i am growing.

I just got through my first week of teaching. Who would of guessed i would be in Hong Kong teaching english. I think i am figuring out that i am in here. It is weird to think that in soon it will be over. I know that i have just started, but it feels like i have been here forever. I am finding myself changed. I can see myself taking control of my life. I know that i am not doing it alone. I know it is not me that will change these kids. I am just the start. It sad to think that the friends i meet here i might never see again. I know that this is just the beginning. I know that i still have more to learn and a lot more to grow. I know that with time this will happen. I am excited to see the person i will become, but i know that i have to wait. Because everything is perfect in his time. Who know what will happen but i am willing to wait:)

hmm i think it hit me.

I had my first day of class today. It was ....stressful. But it was a day needed. Today was the first day i figured out i was here. Hong Kong is very modern so sometimes i think i am in Chicago sometimes.Except for the part where it is hot. I figured out that i am going to smell for the next month and there is nothing i can do about it. The City is huge but i am not as scared as i was. Things are well. I went to a really nice restraunt the other day. This is stupid i know, but i had no idea that Fortune cookies and Sessamee Chicken was American. Who knew. Anyway it was weird to walk around and everyone stare at you. I am not to sure i like the only hot drinks at every meal. hmm. yeah other than that i am good.

It is Hot.

So i made it alive. After being up for like for what seemed like forever i survive the first day. The plane trip here was an experiance. I had a lay over and missed a flight. But i am finally in California. I leave for Hong Kong in 3 days. Wow that is soon. I don't have much time to talk but i wanted to say that i am alive. I have leared a lot in that past few days, like how to cross the street and the fine art of going to the bathroom. :) fun times.

Dancing with Phil

This is a Joint blog by Blog brought to you by Betsye and Jess.

Today was my (Betsye's) birthday! Well sorta. It's actually July 31st but my friends threw together a surprise Birthday party (since Betsye is forsaking her friends to go do-good in China)! We went to Pizza Hut where I received the best birthday gift in the entire world. That's right, I got fake bling. (It's cheap looking and everything.) At first I was a little hesitant to like it but after thinking a bit I decided that I couldn't think of anything else I would rather have. Thanks Jess. (You're welcome, Betsye.) After that we went to one of our favorite places in the entire world. We finally got to go dancing. We tried to go last Tuesday but we sadly learned that Phil had changed the day. But we got to go tonight. I could have not asked for a better birthday party. The YMCA offers dance classes for 2 dollars for 2 hours with the old man instructor, Phil. I think he likes it when us young people come since it tends to be heavily old people populated. Anyway I think this has been one of my favorite birthdays ever.

It has been one of my favorite friend's birthday's as well. :~) After deciding on careers as professional wave-makers in my cousin's pool (we have to decided to start a company in making waves in pools, look for us in the next movie you see waves), I accidentally lied to Betsye about not seeing her until Monday. I hate it when people lie about surprises, so I felt guilty. In actuality, I kind of forgot she'd be there tonight, even though it was for her. Dumb and embarrassing mistake. (it's ok i forgive you) Oh well. And dancing was so much fun. I think we shall try to go again next Wednesday. (we will) Betsye and I even made up our own dance step. It's slightly reminiscent of ice skating pairs. Ask us to demonstrate sometime. HannaH and Drew had to leave early, so we got some quality time in with Phil. It was pretty much amazing. (Pretty much:))

Cats!

Today was a good day.

At first i was a little stressful. I am going to China. I am leaving in 18 days. At first i was ok but now i am starting to get nervous, but jess made it better. Jess and I spent the day doing random fun things. We were supposed to go swing dancing. Sadly they changed the day on me to Wednesday. But! Instead we got to go through a whole bunch of old pictures of us in High school and her cats. I think my favorite part was the library. I got the first four books of Nancy Drew. I am excited.

Vote!

I registered to vote today. :)

i wish i were homeless.

I am finding that more and more i dislike shopping. hours of my life are being wasted on time in stores. Why? Have you ever thought about Wal*Mart for instance. A huge building full of stuff. It kind of scares me the thought. Everything you could imaging can be bought at Wal*mart. I call it the devil store sometimes. At my local Wal*Mart there is vacuum at the entrance. To me it is the soul sucker Maybe i have no reason to complain it is not like i can change. That is where everything is.But i find myself wasting an hour of my life looking at stuff i do not need. i will spare you my thoughts on the mall. Sometimes i wish i was homeless, life seems but simpler to them.

...loss for words.

I have a blog. I am so excited i am at a loss at what to say.