My Attempt.

I was thinking the other day, How is dishonest I am with people. I mean in the sense of how I am doing, what I was thinking, that kind if thing. I think just in general I feel dishonest. I know I am not the only one that feels this. But I feel fake. I want people to see me, not just the one i allow them to see. I think I sometimes I forget how important that really is. I want to be truly humble in everything. God has never been anything but, i want to be that way, i want to show people i really do care. i do. Sometimes i feel like i do not show it like i should. It is a work in progress but i will get there with Gods help.

Books.

I hate that the only time I have the desire to read Mommsen's History of the Romans Vol.III is in the middle of writing a paper.

I am his Favorite

God is Amazing.

I was reading in Romans Chapter 2:1-16
God's Righteous Judgment 1You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. 2Now we know that God's judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. 3So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment? 4Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance? 5But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. 6God "will give to each person according to what he has done."[a] 7To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. 8But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger. 9There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile; 10but glory, honor and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. 11For God does not show favoritism. 12All who sin apart from the law will also perish apart from the law, and all who sin under the law will be judged by the law. 13For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous. 14(Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law, 15since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts now accusing, now even defending them.) 16This will take place on the day when God will judge men's secrets through Jesus Christ, as my gospel declares.
( oh the joy of BibleGateway)


Anyway God showed me verse 11. "For God does not show favoritism"
I started to think about that verse. That means that everyone is his favorite.I know that i have my favorite people in the world. In the grand scale of things there are only a few. But to God everyone is his Favorite. I want you to think about that. I mean God is so big he has the capacity to Love everyone that much. I know that i have heard that my whole life but i think i just now hit me. I am his favorite and you are too!

Not my paper.

It may be the paper or lack of sleep but this is what i am thinking right now.

It has been a weird week. It may be the lack of sleep but I am feeling very stretched. I am starting to feel this new sense of freedom, like God is trusting me and testing me out. Although it is amazing ,i am stressed. I am starting to feel the effects. I know this is where i am supposed to be, I just want a break. I am not sure how to come by that. I am going home this weekend, I know that is not going to help. I want to go home, i do, but at the same time i don't. In a very very selfish way i want not to be needed at the same time I do. Don't get me wrong, I really want to be there for them. this week the girls have really started to show me that i am useful, but it is very taxing. sometime being the person God wants me to be is hard. I am trying but i feel like I am not doing the best i could. I heard the other day that this is the best place to be, place as in completely inadequate, this is really where God works. I am just praying that i make it through the week. so yeah.. sorry if it sounds like i am complaining, just tell me to shut up.

Hey.

Last night when I was about to fall asleep God said "hey".

alone.

why when i am am humble i feel so alone?
Where are you?
Why are you not talking to me.
I dont understand why i have to go through this.
What are you saying?
I want more than a quick fix, i want to be content.
I don't understand why it has to be this way.
Why no matter how much i don't want to i trust in what you are doing.

....

Sometimes life just sucks.

Bring Your Bibles to Public Schools Week: Sept 23-29

Bring Your Bibles to Public Schools Week: Sept 23-29

http://www.bringyourbible.com/

I have to wonder why it takes an email for something to happen. Why is this not second nature? Why should our incentive to read the bible be motivated by someone one telling me i need to? Maybe i am wrong ,maybe you think this a wonderful thing.I just have to wonder why does our Christian life have to be an event.

finally!

Tonight i am going to see the Borne Ultimatum. I have been waiting way too long to see it. I am real excited. :)